At the gym without my phone...

Since I started leaving my cell phone behind when I go to the gym, I’ve had a lot more time to observe my fellow gym goers. Thus, I have recently discovered that I work out with a few highly entertaining personalities.

Mr. Clean

Mr. Clean brings a bright pink spray bottle to the gym which contains some presumed cleaning agent. As far as I can tell, there are no labels of any kind. Now, as you might have guessed, Mr. Clean uses the spray bottle and one clean paper towel (from the gym-supplied dispenser) to clean each piece of equipment before he works out. Certainly, I can partially understand his desire to workout on clean equipment. However, the interesting twist is that Mr. Clean apparently does some type of speed cleaning/circuit training and does only one set at each piece of equipment and then moves on to the next machine. I think he should apply for a maintenance job with the gym.

Buffy the Weight Trainer

Buffy is obviously a hard-core weight trainer. She is very, well, buffed, and obviously wants to be a man. I suspect that she is dating her workout partner, Porn Star (see below). The two are inseparable. Along with the steroids that Buffy is obviously taking, I suspect that she’s using some other illegal hallucinogenic drugs. After every set, Buffy either jabs a few punches or karate moves in the air then stands guard while Porn Star does her set… Maybe she’s battling some imaginary vampires – maybe she’s scaring away any competition for Porn Star’s affection. Either way, it’s certainly entertaining.

Porn Star

Porn Star is Buffy’s gym partner (see above). I’m fairly certain the two are dating. I’m not certain, however, why Porn Star would date someone that looks like Buffy because, well, Porn Star is hot and Buffy is not. I don’t believe she’s actually at the gym to work out, though, but is there to provide moral support to Buffy and to practice moaning for her next movie. While most people grunt when they workout, Porn Star moans – and very seductively I might add. If I didn’t work out in San Francisco, I would wonder how the men could actually work out while Porn Star is moaning. Instead I wonder if Buffy makes her moan like that…